The Love and Loss of a Dog: Tips for Grieving
By: Jessica Fatih. Published December 29th, 2022
Photo by Rebecca Holm.
If there is anything on this earth expressing the purest love we can feel, it might be the love of a dog. They reach our souls in ways that I can’t quite understand.
Even if a person finds it hard to trust another person, they can trust and love a dog. A dog’s love is unconditional. There are no strings attached. Dogs are happy with just a few pets and some food.
I’ll admit I was more of a cat person, but dog lovers surrounded me. I grew up with dogs. My parents both had their respective dogs. My best friends all have dogs- they even have funny voices they use when talking about their dogs.
“Your love for your pet never has to end. Love never dies.”
Shortly after meeting my husband, I met his dog, Simon. My husband's love for his Westie was strong. Simon was fiercely loyal to Justin. When Simon saw another dog, he would bark endlessly to protect Justin. I understood that this relationship was unbreakable.
About a year into our relationship, I started considering adopting a rescue dog. I found Karl, a white Miniature Schnauzer, on Underdog Rescue. When I saw his profile, there was something about Karl I couldn’t get out of my mind. I started the process of emailing his foster parent. We set up our first meeting and brought Simon along. Simon was aggressive toward other dogs, and the adoption could not move forward if he and Karl couldn’t live peacefully together.
Karl was one of the oldest dogs I had ever met. He was a little guy weighing about 12 pounds. He went right up to me, got right in my face, and purred like a cat. He had my heart at first purr. I was in love.
Now there was the Simon issue. Simon sniffed Karl, and that was it. Simon accepted Karl immediately. My husband and I always joked that they were meant to be together. From that moment, Karl and Simon were best buddies.
Karl was a stud at a puppy mill. When we adopted him, he was old and in very poor health. He had to have all but four teeth extracted. It was horrible, but the surgery saved his life. The vet who performed the surgery told me she had never met such a sweet dog; she offered to take him if I didn’t want him. So, you can see, he was a special little guy, and most people just felt it when they were around him. When Karl recovered, it was like he knew he was given a second chance to live and never looked back. He loved living.
Once he learned how to cuddle, he never stopped. He loved to lay in the sun and be outdoors. When we got him, he had no clue how to walk on a leash or use a bowl because he had spent his whole life in a cage. He was so old that he never did learn how to use a dog dish. Instead, we put his food on a tray on the floor.
Karl wore diapers for the remaining seven years of his life. We never could get him to stop marking. We joked that out of all our babies, he was the longest in diapers. His quirks made him even more endearing to us.
During those seven years, Karl found his true purpose in life. His goal was to love my husband. While Karl started as my dog, he saw something profound in my husband. Karl worked his way into Justin’s heart. Like a little healer, he taught Justin so much about unconditional love. Justin, in return, adored Karl and always gushed about how Karl was teaching us how to enjoy the life we were given.
I’d love to tell you more, but the point of this post is about the grief of losing a dog. Let’s get there… Our sweet Karl lost his ability to use his back legs due to an issue in his back and had incontinence. The vet confirmed that Karl also had dementia. Sometimes we would find him trying to get off the couch without knowing how to get down. Other times we would see him in the backyard, unable to move but just happy. We managed his pain with help from our vet.
We knew it was time to put Karl down. We set a date for three weeks before my son was born. The night before, I came downstairs to see Justin, Karl, and Simon watching tv. I told Justin we needed Karl a little longer. The vet assured us we could manage his pain to keep him comfortable, and we did everything possible to keep him happy. Eventually, it wasn’t a choice; it was time for Karl to depart this earth.
We found a wonderful vet who could come to the house to put him to sleep forever. For anyone who has carried their pet to that last appointment, it is hands down one of the hardest things I have ever done. In his final moments, I held him in my arms and poured out my love and gratitude for him. His heart wouldn’t give up immediately, and the vet told me those guys loved life so much; their bodies were ready, but their hearts were not. That was Karl.
Karl was a gift to us. The love we feel will never die. Remember, love is energy. So, I can promise you that all your love for your dog will never die. We received a beautiful poem about the rainbow bridge in heaven. Your dog will be waiting to greet you when you arrive.
After he passed, I noticed a cardinal that appeared. He came daily, his bright red colors. I told my girls that it was Karl visiting us. We also played a game- what is Karl doing in heaven? Sometimes Karl would eat rotisserie chicken (his favorite). Other times, he’d be chewing on a bone or running through fields. The girls picked out a stuffed animal and named it Karl. They could cuddle and hug “Karl” whenever they needed. This helped the girls so much with their grief.
Months following our time to grieve the loss of Karl, my husband was ready for another dog. He had never experienced grief this strong before, but he felt ready to love another dog. I told Justin to look for another dog. We still had Simon, but Simon was listlessly grieving his friend. We had a five-year-old, three-year-old, and a two-month-old baby, but I meant it, look for another dog.
“If there is anything on this earth expressing the purest love we can feel, it might be the love of a dog. They reach our souls in ways that I can’t quite understand.”
Justin returned to Underdog Rescue’s website, and the first dog on the search was another white miniature schnauzer named Tulip. She was four years old. A few months later, the sweetest dog, Tulip, joined our family. She has been a welcome addition to our family.
Immediately she bonded with Justin. Again, I think she was meant to join our family. Tulip did not replace Karl, but she helped Justin with his grief. Simon was also happy to have another friend. Getting another dog worked for our family, but it isn’t always the answer.
My parents lost their beloved dog, Rosie. My mom couldn’t go through the love and loss of another pet. She loved Rosie so much that that was it for her. She had dogs most of her life, but her love for Rosie was enough. She declared that Rosie was her last dog.
Just listen (in your heart) to what you need. Take time to grieve your pet. If you are ready for another pet, there are so many dogs that need a good loving home. If you have love in your heart to share with a dog, the dog would be lucky to have a good home with you.
Here are the most important tips I can give you for dealing with the loss of your pet:
Your love for your pet never has to end. Love never dies.
Your grief is real. It is valid. There is no time limit to grief.
Keep a picture, ashes, or paw print to honor your pet.
Realize that everyone grieves differently and at different times.
Give yourself a little extra loving care while dealing with your grief.
Look at the photos, turn on some music, and cry. Work through those emotions. Give yourself a song to mourn and feel your feelings for your dog.
Keep talking about the special memories of your pet.
Honor your pet uniquely: a balloon message, keep a favorite picture visible, plant a tree or a perennial flower in honor of your pet, or make a little rock garden in your yard.
Write or journal about your dog. It can help to process your feelings.
Remember that the love you shared with your dog was a special bond. Allow yourself to grieve.
I’d love to hear from you.
Please leave comments or thoughts below.