One Question to Live By

By: Jessica Faith

Published February 5, 2023

The Planning

Registration for summer camps comes every February. Ready or not? The prep that goes into this is significant. I’m not kidding!

You start by looking through the catalog, highlighting what might interest each kid, then speaking with each child about the class, reading the course description, and going over all the options.

Next, it’s time to reach out to other parents. Coordination with the friend’s parents is no easy task.

Once the wish list of classes is made, friends are on board; it's like high-tech logistical planning to make all the schedules work. All this is done before you know if you can get into the class.

Registration Opens

Registration opens at 8 am on a February morning for community ed programs, and then the following day, the Parks and Rec registration begins at noon.

7:50 am- I’m sitting in front of my computer, feeling like Rocky before a fight. I’ve got my list ready.  

8:00 am- It’s go time. I start typing in the course numbers as quickly as I can.

8:05 am- The website crashes. All I can see is a spinning wheel—my anxiety peaks. I’m swearing at my computer.  Is it just me?

What’s the hype all about?

It wasn’t just me. So many frantic parents got on the website immediately at eight; we crashed it. I lost it for a minute. I was even sweating. It was so intense.

Parents in my community take this very seriously. The community education classes offer enrichment, a chance to learn about new subjects, build skills, and are a form of childcare in the summer.  

In my “mom world,” this felt like a big deal. Not only do I want to have classes for my children to attend in the summer, but they want to be with their friends.

It’s funny how I got so caught up in the moment. When I was trying to register, and the site crashed, I had some not-so-nice words for my computer screen. I frantically texted other moms to see if they had the same experience and emailed the community ed office to see what the deal was. Well, guess what? It all worked out. The website was fixed; my girls got into all the summer classes they wanted.

Did it require me to lose it? NO. As a parent, I work hard to ensure my children have these experiences. Some are 100% worth it. Hands down worth it; glad we did it.

As I describe all this, I can see its humor, but I also feel anxiety knowing it’s coming again in a few weeks. The situation was not life or death. We are talking about enrichment classes for children. So why all the anxiety?

Let’s look at why I freaked out a bit…

What was all my frenzied behavior about that day?

I can tell you, but I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want my children left out.

Yep, I said it. I don’t want them to miss an opportunity with their friends. I don’t want them to miss a chance with our favorite tennis instructor.

These are my childhood insecurities about being left out and not a part of the group. I am shamelessly not wanting them to feel that, so I drive myself crazy to get them into these classes.

I need to have my children participate in camps to give them a schedule and something to do. The idea of a blank summer calendar is frightening. But if that were my only goal, I wouldn’t put so much effort into getting into the most popular classes and with their friends.  There are enough classes offered to fill a summer calendar.  

So, there is it. It didn’t feel good to be left out of the group when I was young. Here I am, getting all crazy to get my children into these classes. However, saying it out loud makes me feel like I outed myself.  

Oh boy, what does this all mean?

It means this; we are all human. We all have lived. We carry some old hurts in the back of our memory and our hearts. We love our children so much that we don’t want them hurt. So damn, if I can get them in the classes with their friends with the best teacher, I’ll do it. But I do think it is important I check my motives.

Ask yourself this 1 important question…

I go back to a question I ask myself often: Am I acting out of love or fear?

Wanting my children to have fun summer camps with friends is a motive out of love. Out of love, I want them to learn new skills. Out of love for myself, I want them scheduled for classes.  There is nothing wrong with that.

However, if my actions are getting frantic out of fear that they will be left out or not a part of the group, that is my junk. Then I am starting to act out of fear. Fear that they might experience that feeling of being left out. I am trying to prevent them from feeling an emotion that is (and was) uncomfortable to me as a child.

Yelling at the computer…was acting out of fear.

This is where I think, as parents, we must check ourselves. Am I acting out of love or fear?

Asking this question about the smallest decision can allow you to connect with your heart and act out of love.

With summer camp registration around the corner, what can I do to prepare? I can go into the morning prepared and calm. If the site crashes again, I don’t need to go into a frenzy and yell at my computer. I can take a deep breath and remind myself that everything will work out.

It always does work out the way it is supposed to work out. In the end, it will all be okay. It would be easier if we could love ourselves more during the process. If anything, laughing about the craziness of summer camp registration with a friend helps to lighten it all up. It gives us a little more love in this crazy ride we call parenting.

I’d love to hear from you.

Please feel free to share comments or thoughts below.