By Jessica Fatih. Published December 17, 2022.
I am drinking tea and listening to music with the window open to let in the fresh air. Inhale and exhale. Sounds heavenly, right?
It’s my pre-game routine. I’m preparing myself for the hours of 2:30 pm to bedtime. That is the end of the school day when the real parenting work begins for me. Okay, back to my tea and waiting in line at the car circle.
My Pre-Game Routine…
I know that when my children get in the car, they will need some extra care. I also know that emotions can be heightened. I take about ten minutes before picking them up for a little self-care.
I intentionally play music, bring some tea, often open the window, and take a few deep breaths. I use these methods to ground or center myself and feel prepared to face whatever comes my way.
The minivan door opens, and I take a deep breath. I get ready to maintain my calm while my girls get in the car and unravel from their day. Last year, my middle child was in kindergarten. There is something about their first year: they hold it together all day, and the second they see you, they lose it.
They Process Their Day…
I can’t tell you how often my daughter got in her car seat and started crying about an issue. It was not every day, but often, she needed to vent or work through an event or issue that happened in her day. She would come into the car with big emotions, let them out, and then she would move on with the afternoon. It is not just kindergarteners that process the day this way. In my experience, it continues to happen, just not as frequently as in the first year of school.
Then Sibling Fighting Begins…
Then, sibling fighting begins. I have tried to prevent this in every way possible. We take turns talking first and second. We even have time limits because one sister likes to talk the whole way home. Then little brother threw a wrench in the plans and started singing or babbling, which interrupted the sister’s time to talk. This one couldn’t be prevented and caused an uproar. That issue is still a work in progress.
I pull into the garage. There is often a fight about who gets out the door first. It’s a minivan. There are many doors, but they all want the same door.
Sometimes there is crying because someone’s backpack is “too HEAVY” (the one they were carrying just fine five minutes ago). If snow clothes are in the mix, oh, help me. They want a wheelbarrow to get them in. It is always SOMETHING!
The Checklist...
They empty their lunchboxes, backpacks, and school folders. Then I have a checklist that I ask my girls.
1. Are you hungry?
2. Are you tired?
3. Do you need rest?
4. Do you want to get outside?
5. Do you want a quiet project?
This is my check-in for them. It’s how I take care of myself. I know I won't do my best if I’m hungry or tired. It is no different for my kids. Some days they need all five of these to unwind!
All this is just for the first hour after school. Look, here is the thing about parenting. You will exhaust yourself if you are trying to swim up the river. Sometimes you need to go with the flow (I wrote a whole post about it HERE).
I do not need to resist that they come into my minivan after school, tired and needing a little extra care. They are learning the tools they need to help themselves. I am here to help and listen. I also take a few minutes to prep myself with self-care for the afternoon and evening. That is the best I can do. They are children, not robots. Of course, I get exhausted sometimes. I am not a robot either, but I do my best, and so do they.
To all parents…take a deep breath and keep going! In my case, I will keep drinking my tea, listening to my music, and inhaling and exhaling in the car circle. I will keep loving, trying my best, and learning from my mistakes. That is the best we can all do. I will also keep sharing my experiences with you because I want to help other parents know they are not alone.
Thanks for reading. If you have any tips that help your children after-school, please share!
I’d love to hear from you.
