Go with the Flow: How to Let Go of Control and Stay in Moment
By: Jessica Fatih. Published December 17, 2022
I was talking on the phone with my friend a few months ago. We were engrossed in a conversation. Well, I was engrossed and working through a problem. She was sitting at the pool, watching her two boys swimming, talking to me, and ordering dinner for her family. Throughout the conversation, her boys tried to get away with all kinds of things. They even made crafty noodle rafts tied together with goggles to go down the waterslide- all of which were against pool rules. She caught them in the act, continued talking, and had them sit out of the pool for a few minutes. The juggling act of a parent, right?
During our conversation, she was in the present moment. She was going with the flow of life. It was throwing a lot at her, and she reacted calmly throughout. She’s fantastic, and that is just what she does. The present moment would have been more peaceful if she could focus on just one thing or maybe sit on the chair and look up at the sky, but life gave her more, and she accepted it all and went with it.
Before children, I had no clue parents were multitasking machines. As a parent, we can listen to two children talking to us, unload the dishwasher, and figure out what to make for dinner all at the same time. It’s almost like a superpower, a parenting superpower.
“Every day we deal with situations that are beyond our control. Regardless of what we do, we often cannot control how the situation will unfold.”
These multitasking superpowers are great when all is calm, but when chaos arises, it gets challenging. Almost like the superpower can only handle so much, then it taps out.
This morning's meditation focused on accepting the present moment (no matter what it throws at us). Every day we deal with situations that are beyond our control. Regardless of what we do, we often cannot control how the situation will unfold. We may try to prevent it, change it or fight it, but that adds more resistance to what will happen regardless.
It’s like trying to swim up a river. You can do it, but you will probably expend a ton of energy, won’t make it too far, and end up in the same place.
What happens if you let go?
Go with the flow? Flow with the current of the river. Like life, you are letting it take you where it is meant to go.
If we try to control situations or resist what is happening in the present moment, we will struggle and most likely get frustrated. In moments of chaos or when things don’t go the way we would like, try saying this “I release control. I surrender to the flow.”
“I was trying to swim up the river instead of going with the river’s current. How could I have accepted the present moment?”
That was my mantra this morning. I said it over and over. At that moment, it was freeing. I was experiencing the present moment of meditation in my quiet living room in the early morning hours with the sunrise. Peace. Then the universe decided I needed to practice my mantra. I was staying in the present moment of the meditation until….“MAMA, I want apple juice!”
My son’s call for apple juice in the middle of peace was ignored for 30 seconds, maybe a minute. It got louder. He’s three, so I cannot expect him to get his juice. For fear that he would wake the rest of the house, I walked away from my peaceful moment to get the juice. On this occasion, I accepted the situation of the present moment; I surrendered and went with the flow.
That was easy. Haha! Except that was just an interruption. That wasn’t a temper tantrum, children fighting, or pure chaos. How do I apply this “go with the flow” mantra to those moments?
A situation arose (again) that made me try it out in real life. I was writing; my three children were upstairs playing in my daughter’s room. I was getting into my writing and was distracted by it. Of course, three children playing in a small bedroom will fight. It was bound to happen, and the fighting kept happening. I would get up and help the situation each time, but I was getting frustrated! I had to leave my train of thought and go up to referee. After a few times, I started to react, my voice got louder, and I had less patience. I separated them into their own spaces, and they played together when the break was over.
I realized I was resisting the situation. The situation is this, I have three children who insist on playing, and I insist on writing. My parenting hat was needed more than my writing (the one I wanted to do). I was getting frustrated because I was resisting; I was now required as a mom, which meant what I wanted to do would be interrupted.
I was trying to swim up the river instead of going with the river's current. How could I have accepted the present moment? How could I have used my mantra to release control and go with the flow?
Here is what I came up with:
If I start writing and am the only parent in the house, I must realize that I may get distracted. If I choose to work on my project, I need to remind myself that I will get pulled away, but that is okay; I can get back into it. This is the situation of the present moment. I am choosing to work while they play.
I am in control of how I react to my children. I am not in control of their reactions.
Accept what is happening in the present moment, the now. Don’t try and change it or ignore it. If my three children play together, they will need some assistance. It is my job to help them.
Remember what triggers my emotions or reactions. A trigger for me is fighting and chaos. If I can be mindful that these make me more reactive, I can stop my response before it happens. I can regulate my own emotions by understanding my triggers.
I can take a deep breath when I walk up those steps to deal with the situation. Remember my mantra, “I release control; I go with the flow.”
If that mantra isn’t for you, a few other parenting mantras are that I love:
My child’s safe space is me
Let my heart lead with love
I breathe in calm; I breathe out frustration
As I always remind myself, it’s a work in progress. As I take a deep breath to deal with my children’s emotions and reactions, I do the same for myself. I give myself grace and love.
Share your thoughts or comments below.
I’d love to hear from you.