We are All in it Together…The Importance of Community

By: Jessica Fatih. Published November 1, 2022

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. I mean, it puts you in a whole new category of badass. I’m not kidding. We think we are so dull in our leggings, minivans, and Starbucks order but honestly, what you faced before 8:30 am was probably more trials and tribulations than most can even imagine.

I once told my friend who doesn’t have children that I must have outstanding karmic debt. Three children in five years is no joke. I didn’t sleep through a single night in seven years, breastfed for six years of my life (seriously), and have a trauma response when I hear a child whine; I immediately want to help.

Tonight, I was cleaning up toys. It was an unusually messy day in our “kid’s room” or playroom. My little guy had an entire block collection stuck in every toy imaginable. I got near the giant doll house and noticed an unusual scene—a naked Ken doll in a bathtub. Something about the scene made me laugh, laugh out loud. I took a photo and sent it to a close friend.

My friend had boys and never had to pick up barbies, so she quickly replied, “why do you have a blow-up doll in your bathroom?” I clarified the confusion with her, but I guess I should be concerned that she thinks I’d roll with a blow-up doll in the bathroom. That is a story for another time.

Within a few minutes of this conversation, another friend texted me that she had bought a Turdle. What in the world is a turdle? It’s s turtle that poops in the toilet, wiggles, and sings. Lovely.

All of these conversations are happening at the end of the day, well, kid’s bedtime, and we are all exchanging our “war stories” for the day. The little pieces of craziness pack our day full of laughs along the way. I’m not writing today about any of the unpleasantries. Just the elements that make us bond, these weird parts of parenting make us all feel solidarity because we are in together.

If I couldn’t lean, commiserate, learn, cry, listen, or laugh with friends, I don’t know how I would make it through. I’ve said it before, but friends are indeed gifts from God. There isn’t a day that I don’t reach out to a friend in some way about parenting.

Before becoming a parent, most of my friends had children. I’m an older parent, so when I got pregnant at 34 with my first child, I could call any of my friends and ask them for advice. They quickly walked me into parent mode and helped me along the way. I always tell my friends with teenagers thank goodness you are doing it first. I’ll learn it all from you.

Then there are the friendships that became stronger because we started having babies simultaneously. I have one friend in particular; our husbands are great friends. I have always loved her; then we had babies at the same time, and we bonded even more. We live close by,

and she is the one who can lighten my mood. We can talk about it all, and our families get together regularly. We are in IT together. It’s like a pact, or maybe like a pack; she’s a part of the wolf pack. She and I would run howling at the moon if we could.

Then, of course, the friends you meet because your children are friends. There is something about your child choosing a best friend—the playdate request starts. At four, in preschool, my oldest found her best friend. Four years later and they still are besties. Luckily, his mom was a pro at parent relationships. She walked me through my first playdates, text messages, communication about best friends, and how to schedule summer camps together. She is a savior and has taught me so much. I have joked with her that she is always a step ahead of me. It's not a joke. I genuinely mean it.

The parent circle gets bigger when you meet more parents at the school. This gets a little tricky. You see, we parents come in hot with some of our old school baggage from high school. Parents…here is the best news…we are no longer competing for homecoming court. We get to meet the other parents and be comfy, chill, and don’t stress. Let’s remember we are all in together. Let’s make it easygoing, let’s work together, and let’s smile at one another.

Thankfully, there are social leaders at school. The ring leaders plan the parties and talk to all the other moms at the soccer games. They have that presence that people gravitate towards. Everyone has their strengths. These parents are the ones that rally the other parents. They open their houses to bring others together to meet. It’s because of their outgoing personality that the community grows.

When my oldest was a toddler, I was at the grocery store. A woman in her eighties came up to me to meet my daughter. After talking for a while, she told me how on Saturday mornings when her kids were in high school, she would go to the grocery to find out what all the kids had done the night before. The moms talked at the grocery store. She told me how important it is to meet the other parents.

Look, she is right, know the other parents. You don’t have to be great friends. It certainly helps to understand the families, and it builds community. We are building a community. We need a community. Please don’t doubt the importance of community.

That is, saying it takes “a village to raise a child” is true! We need other parents to help us get through parenting, others to help us with our children, and good relationships with our children’s friends' parents. The more we collaborate and do it together, the more we build a healthy place for our children to grow.

The more we can reach out to each other, check in with other parents, laugh together, and share our trials and tribulations and war stories, the more we will feel we are not alone. WE ARE NOT ALONE.

Build your community in your town. Let’s build a community here. A community of parents that want to raise healthy, happy kids that will go on and create a happy and healthy world. It starts with us. So even if we are joking about ken dolls in bathtubs, pooping turtles, or more significant issues… let’s do it together. LET'S COME TOGETHER!

Hi, I’m Jessica Faith.

I’d love to hear from you! Tell me about your friends that help you through parenting. Tell me about how your community comes together. Please share in the comments below!